What Is the First Thing I Should Do if I Want a Divorce?

If you are thinking about divorce, the first feeling is often not anger, but confusion. You may be lying awake wondering where you will live, how you will support yourself, and what will happen to your children. On top of that, you might feel guilty for even considering divorce, or worried that one wrong move now could haunt you for years. It is normal to feel overwhelmed and to ask yourself, “What is the very first thing I should do if I want a divorce in Florida?”

The truth is that there is no single magic step that fits every family. However, there are smart first moves that can make the process more manageable. Before you file anything, it helps to make sure you meet Florida’s basic requirements, get a handle on your finances, and think carefully about your children’s needs and your safety. These early actions can protect you from costly mistakes, rushed decisions, or agreements that look okay now but create serious problems later.

As you read through this guide, remember that you do not have to solve everything in one day. Your goal right now is to get informed, get organized, and avoid decisions that are hard to undo. If you want guidance from the beginning rather than trying to fix problems after they happen, you can set up a confidential consultation with the Law Office of John P. Sherman so you can talk through your priorities and leave with a realistic, Florida-specific plan instead of guessing your way through the process.

Do You Meet Florida’s Basic Requirements for Divorce?

Before you worry about paperwork or who keeps the house, it is important to confirm that you can legally file for divorce in Florida.

1.    The state has a residency requirement: at least one spouse must have lived in Florida for at least six months before filing. That residency usually needs to be proven with evidence such as a Florida driver’s license, state ID, voter registration card, or a sworn statement from a witness. If you jump into filing without meeting or proving this requirement, your case could be delayed or even dismissed and you may find yourself starting over.

2.    Florida is also a no-fault divorce state. That means you do not have to prove that your spouse did something “wrong” like adultery or abandonment in order to end the marriage. Instead, the petition usually states that the marriage is “irretrievably broken.” In rare situations, if one spouse claims the marriage can be saved, a judge may order counseling or delay the case for a short time. For most people, the main legal question is not who caused the breakdown, but whether there is any realistic chance of reconciliation.

Understanding these basics can calm some of the initial panic. You do not need a perfect written justification or a long list of your spouse’s mistakes to file. You do, however, need to be honest with yourself about whether you truly see the marriage as over. Once you file for divorce, the relationship shifts into a legal process with deadlines, formal documents, and court oversight. Taking the time to confirm that you meet Florida’s residency requirement and that you are ready to move forward can keep you from filing impulsively in a moment of anger and then regretting it or facing avoidable procedural problems.

Financial Information Needed for a Divorce

When people ask what they should do first if they want a divorce, the answer is often surprising: start with your finances. Money may feel like a cold topic during an emotional time, but it affects nearly every decision you will make, from where you live to how you share time with your children. Getting a clear picture of your income, expenses, assets, and debts early in the process makes it much easier to see what is at stake and what a realistic outcome might look like for you.

Florida courts use financial information to decide issues such as child support, possible alimony, and how to divide marital property and liabilities. Even if you and your spouse hope to keep things amicable, the law still requires financial disclosure in most cases. That means each of you must exchange detailed information about your earnings, bank accounts, retirement plans, credit cards, loans, and monthly living costs. If you enter the process without any idea of what exists or where documents are, you may feel pressured to agree to terms that are vague or unfair simply because you do not have the facts.

A helpful first move is to gather basic information in four categories: income, monthly expenses, assets, and debts. You do not have to organize everything perfectly on day one. However, starting a simple file or folder with key documents will make the next stages of divorce much smoother. It also helps protect you in case your spouse later becomes less cooperative with sharing information.

Important Financial Documents to Collect

As you collect these documents, try to include information for both spouses if you can access it. That may include joint account statements, mortgage documents, car titles, and retirement account summaries. If you do not have copies yet, consider downloading recent statements while you still have online access. Even a few months of records can give a much clearer picture than trying to remember numbers from memory.

You do not have to become a financial expert to start this process. The goal is to avoid walking into a divorce completely in the dark about your own household. If you would like help prioritizing which documents matter most in your situation, a family law attorney can review your circumstances and tell you what to focus on now and what can wait, so you spend your limited energy on the information that will make the biggest difference.

How Do I Protect My Assets During Divorce?

It is natural to worry that asking for a divorce means losing everything you have worked for. Many people wonder if they should start moving money, transferring property to family members, or closing joint accounts right away “just to be safe.” While it is important to protect yourself, certain actions can backfire badly. Courts look closely at what each spouse did with assets in the period leading up to a divorce, and judges can undo transfers or punish behavior that looks like hiding or wasting marital property.

A smarter first move is to focus on information and stability instead of drastic changes. Start by listing your accounts and valuable property, then note which ones are in your name, your spouse’s name, or both. If you are worried that your spouse might drain an account or run up debt, talk to a lawyer about options that are allowed under Florida law, such as temporary agreements, court orders, or practical steps like monitoring transactions closely. In some situations, your attorney may recommend closing or freezing certain joint credit lines with proper notice, but these decisions should be made strategically, not in a panic.

It is also important to remember that protecting assets does not necessarily mean keeping everything in your name. Florida uses equitable distribution, which focuses on fairness rather than punishing anyone for filing first. In many cases, what protects you best is a clear, documented agreement that divides property in a way you can live with, rather than secret transfers that later damage your credibility. If you want to secure what you have without crossing legal lines, the Law Office of John P. Sherman can review your accounts, explain your options, and help you take protective steps that are both lawful and effective.

Kids During a Divorce

For parents, the first question is often not “How will we split the house?” but “What will this do to our children?” Even before you file for divorce in Florida, it helps to think about your children’s routines, their relationship with each parent, and how you can reduce the impact of conflict on them. Judges, therapists, and parents all agree on one thing: kids handle divorce better when their basic needs and daily rhythms remain as stable as possible.

A good starting point is to observe what already works in your family. Who usually takes the children to school, helps with homework, attends medical appointments, or handles extracurricular activities? These patterns matter because Florida courts focus on the best interests of the child when making decisions about parental responsibility and time-sharing. You do not have to have a perfect parenting plan on day one, but being honest about each parent’s current role can help you propose realistic arrangements later.

It is also wise to think ahead about how you and your spouse will communicate with the children about the separation. You do not need to have that conversation immediately, and sometimes it is safer to wait until you have at least a preliminary plan. However, planning to avoid blaming language, adult details, or pressure on the children to “pick sides” can prevent long-term emotional harm. If you are concerned about safety, substance use, or domestic violence, those concerns should be discussed with a lawyer right away, because they may affect both your legal options and your safety planning.

Understanding the Parenting Course Requirement

In most Florida cases involving minor children, parents are required to complete a Parenting Course approved by the state before the divorce is finalized. This course is not meant to judge you as a parent. It is designed to give both parents tools to help children adjust to the changes that come with separation and divorce. It typically covers communication skills, the impact of conflict on kids, and ways to co-parent more effectively.

Taking the course early in the process can have several benefits. It gives you a framework for making decisions about schedules, school issues, and holidays. It can also help you understand how judges expect parents to behave during and after divorce, which can guide your choices about what to say in texts or emails, how to handle disagreements, and how to respond when your child is upset. In some situations, completing the course sooner rather than later can show the court that you are serious about putting your child’s needs first.

If your relationship with the other parent is high conflict, it can be tempting to dismiss the idea of learning anything from a required class. However, many parents find at least one or two practical strategies they can use, even in difficult situations. Treating the course as a tool rather than a formality can help you feel a little more prepared for the parenting challenges ahead.

Preparing for Custody Decisions

Custody decisions in Florida are framed in terms of parental responsibility and time-sharing, not “winning” or “losing” children. When you are thinking about divorce, one of the best things you can do early on is to start documenting your involvement in your children’s lives. This does not mean keeping a secret scorecard, but it can be helpful to note school meetings you attend, medical visits, extracurricular activities, and daily caregiving tasks you handle.

When disputes arise, judges may look at who has historically handled different responsibilities, how each parent supports the child’s relationship with the other parent, and whether there are any safety concerns. If you anticipate disagreement about where the children will live or how time will be shared, gathering school records, medical records, and any relevant communications now can make it easier to present a clear picture later if needed.

Above all, remember that your children are watching how you handle this transition. Speaking respectfully about the other parent in front of them, keeping adult conversations out of their earshot, and following any temporary schedules or court orders consistently can support your legal position and, more importantly, your child’s emotional stability.

Should I Try Mediation Before Going to Court?

Many people assume that divorce automatically means a long, painful court battle. In Florida, however, mediation is a central part of most divorce cases, and in many counties, it is required before a final trial. Mediation is a process where a neutral third party helps you and your spouse try to reach agreements on issues like property division, parenting plans, and support. The mediator does not make decisions for you, but they can keep the conversation focused and help you explore options you might not have considered.

Trying mediation early, sometimes even before a formal case is filed, can give you more control over the outcome. When you reach agreements in mediation, you are crafting your own solution instead of having a judge, who does not know your family, decide for you after a short hearing. Mediation can also reduce the emotional wear and cost of divorce, because it encourages compromise and problem-solving rather than focusing on “winning” or “losing.”

That said, mediation is not right for every situation. If there is a history of serious domestic violence, extreme power imbalances, or a spouse who refuses to share financial information, traditional mediation may not be safe or effective. In those situations, attorneys and courts can sometimes arrange different forms of negotiation or court-managed hearings that take safety and fairness into account. Talking with a lawyer can help you decide whether early mediation, later mediation, or a different path altogether makes sense in your case.

How Will My Property Be Divided?

Another common first question is, “Will everything just be split 50/50?” Florida follows a system called equitable distribution, which means the court aims for a fair division of marital assets and debts. In many cases, fair is close to equal, but not always exactly half. Judges look at factors such as each spouse’s contributions during the marriage, including non-financial contributions like raising children, each person’s economic situation, and whether either spouse wasted or hid assets.

Before a judge can divide anything, the court must determine what counts as marital property and what is separate, also called nonmarital, property. Marital property generally includes most assets and debts acquired during the marriage, regardless of whose name is on the title or account. Separate property may include assets you owned before the marriage, some inheritances or gifts, and anything clearly kept separate from marital finances. Understanding this distinction early helps you avoid unrealistic expectations and better prepares you for negotiations.

It is also important to realize that property does not just mean the house and cars. It can include retirement accounts, stock options, business interests, personal belongings, frequent flyer miles, and even certain digital assets. Your first step is not to argue over each item, but to make a full list of what exists so that nothing important is overlooked. Once you have a clearer inventory, you and your attorney can start thinking about which assets matter most to you and which trade-offs might make sense.

Marital vs. Separate Property

In real life, these categories can blur. For example, if you owned a home before marriage but later refinanced it with both names on the mortgage and used marital income to pay the loan, part of the value may be considered marital. Similarly, if you inherited money but deposited it into a joint account and used it for household expenses over many years, a judge may decide that some or all of that inheritance became marital property.

Because of these gray areas, one of the most powerful things you can do early is to gather documents that show when and how assets were acquired, whose names are on titles or accounts, and how money has been used. This makes it easier for your attorney to argue for the proper classification and for a fair division based on your specific facts.

Factors Courts Consider in Property Division

When Florida courts decide how to divide marital property and debts, they consider several factors, not just the dollar value of each asset. Some of the most important considerations include:

●     The length of the marriage

●     Each spouse’s economic circumstances and earning capacity
●     Contributions to the marriage, including childcare and homemaking

●     Whether one spouse interrupted their career or education for the marriage

●     Any intentional waste or destruction of marital assets

These factors help the judge decide whether a simple 50/50 division makes sense or whether some adjustments are needed. For example, in a long-term marriage where one spouse stayed home to raise children while the other advanced their career, the court may award a somewhat larger share of certain assets to the spouse with fewer current income opportunities.

You do not need to memorize all these factors on day one. However, knowing that the court looks at the full context of your marriage, and not just whose name is on an account, can help you worry less about superficial details and focus more on telling the full story of your contributions and needs.

What About Spousal Support?

Once people start thinking about money and property, the next big question is often spousal support, also known as alimony. Some worry they will be forced to pay more than they can afford. Others are afraid they will not be able to support themselves after years out of the workforce. In Florida, recent changes to alimony law have shifted the focus more toward financial need and ability to pay, and away from permanent lifetime support in most cases.

Alimony is not awarded automatically in every divorce. The court first looks at whether one spouse has a genuine financial need and whether the other has the ability to contribute. If both spouses have similar incomes and resources, alimony may not be appropriate. If there is a clear imbalance, the judge can consider different forms of support, each with its own purpose and likely duration.

Understanding the types of alimony and the factors courts use can help you set realistic expectations. It can also prevent you from agreeing too quickly to a support arrangement that is either unsustainable or insufficient for your basic needs.

Types of Alimony in Florida

Florida law recognizes different types of alimony that may be awarded depending on the circumstances of the marriage. These can include:

●     Temporary alimony while the case is pending, to help maintain stability during the divorce process

●     Bridge-the-gap alimony, which helps one spouse transition from married life to single life over a short period

●     Rehabilitative alimony, which supports education or training needed for a spouse to become self-supporting

●     Durational alimony, which may be awarded for a set period in certain marriages when other forms are not enough

Each type has limits on amount and duration. Courts are careful to avoid creating obligations that go beyond what the paying spouse can reasonably handle. The length of the marriage, the standard of living during the marriage, and each spouse’s income and earning potential all play important roles in deciding whether alimony is appropriate and what form it should take.

Because alimony law has evolved in Florida, it is important not to assume that what happened in a friend’s case several years ago will necessarily apply in yours. Getting current information based on your specific situation is far more reliable than relying on stories or outdated advice.

Factors Affecting Alimony Decisions

When a judge decides whether to award alimony and in what amount, they look at a variety of factors, including:

●     The length of the marriage

●     Each spouse’s age and health

●     The standard of living established during the marriage

●     Each spouse’s income, employability, and financial resources

●     Contributions to the marriage, including childcare and career sacrifices

●     Any other factor necessary to reach an equitable result

These factors are not meant to punish either spouse. Instead, they help the judge balance the goal of encouraging both parties to become as self-supporting as possible with the reality that one spouse may need some financial support to reach that point. When you are thinking about divorce, one of the best early steps you can take is to honestly assess your own earning capacity, your likely expenses after separation, and any steps you might need to take, such as training or job searches, to strengthen your financial position.

Do I Need to Hire an Attorney?

Many people hesitate to talk to a lawyer at the beginning because they worry it will start a war or cost too much. In reality, speaking with an attorney early can often prevent unnecessary conflict and expense. Getting clear, accurate information at the start helps you avoid impulsive decisions, incomplete agreements, or mistakes that are expensive to fix later if they can be fixed at all.

You do not have to hire an attorney for every divorce. Some couples with very simple finances and no children manage an uncontested case on their own. However, when there are children, real estate, retirement accounts, businesses, major differences in income, or any history of abuse or control, trying to handle everything by yourself can leave you unprotected. An attorney can explain your rights, the range of possible outcomes under Florida law, and practical options you may not know exist.

A good first conversation with a lawyer is not about attacking your spouse. It is about gathering information, asking questions you may be afraid to ask anyone else, and getting a realistic sense of what life after divorce might look like. That knowledge can make your choices calmer, your negotiations more focused, and your overall process less chaotic.

When You Should Hire an Attorney

Some signs that you should strongly consider hiring a divorce lawyer include:

●     You and your spouse disagree about custody, time-sharing, or major parenting decisions

●     There are significant assets, debts, or a family business involved

●     One spouse has much more information or control over the finances than the other

●     There is a history of domestic violence, intimidation, or emotional control

●     You feel pressured to “just sign” something you do not fully understand

In these situations, trying to navigate the process alone is like trying to play a high-stakes game without knowing the rules. Even if you and your spouse want to remain civil, having your own attorney ensures that someone is focused solely on your interests, not on keeping everyone temporarily comfortable at the cost of your long-term stability.

If you are unsure where your case falls on that spectrum, an initial consultation with the Law Office of John P. Sherman can help you decide what level of legal help you really need. You can talk through your situation, learn how Florida law applies to your specific facts, and choose whether full representation, limited-scope assistance, or a one-time strategy session is the best fit. Having that guidance from the start can turn a vague sense of anxiety into a concrete plan for moving forward.